In nomini patri
by sharl-tn
Summary: Chapter 13 up PREVIEW: “Howard – let me go.” Duo asked, almost too calm, his voice, though weak, thinly veiled the quiet threat in that request. “Maxwell, don’t even think about straining yourself -" Please Review if you Read!
1. Twitch

A/N: Oh my God this story has gotten out of control!  
But what I really mean is that it has taken forever to get even close to the end, and for a 30-pager that's hardly normal.

But anyways, am hoping to end it soon, so I'm just posting some edited versions of the earlier chapters - mainly trying to get this site to display cuts between characters.

This story started as an idle thought in the summer of 2004 in Boston.

It grew during another summer in Dublin in 2005...

Fought through a winter in Yellowknife in 2006, and a sentimental fall in Toronto...

Gained a quiet boat ride in the summer of 2007 during my masters and here we are, the idle summer of 2008 where it's been on my mind, but I have yet to find an ending that suits it.

But I can feel that it will be soon, the fall in New Zealand seems like it may suit one more chapter.

This story has been linked so closely with my 'mental state' and my travels, and I apologize that during the harsher terms of my undergrad I found little time for it or the inspiration it needed, but I'm done school now, and as I start to work again I'm sure my off hours will once more lend some time to Duo and Heero.

It is funny to note however, how the voice of the tale seems to change with the locations and my getting older, the later chapters are written in what feels like different handwriting.

But enough of this nostalgia, and on with the story because in the end A/Ns are really not what you came for:

* * *

One: Twitch

A slight tightening of his comrade's shoulders was the only warning Duo had before he was on top of him, throwing his lighter frame to the floor and proceeding to attack him with a vehemence he hadn't even been aware Heero possessed until it was directed physically at him.

"Heero!" He managed to dodge a few poorly placed punches, scrambling out from under his attacker and sliding backwards a few paces from him. "Heero, what the hell!" He shouted before Heero was on him again, two quick strides to close the distance before beating him up against the wall, steeled fists taking shots at his stomach, again and again.

Duo bit down hard on his lower lip as another punch grazed his hip and firmly decided that if he wanted to get out of this in one piece he would have to stop playing the defensive. He ducked to avoid a blow to the head, inwardly wondering why he wasn't dead yet, knowing that Heero was more than a match for him, and planted a swift kick to Heero's knee, causing him to stumble with a barely concealed growl.

Spinning out from between Heero and the wall Duo quickly slammed his elbow towards Heero's head, the strength from the blow pushing his forehead towards the solid concrete wall with such force that Duo cringed at the contact.

It was enough, apparently, and Duo watched with silent disbelief as his comrade crumpled and slid down the wall, head now sporting an ugly gash. As he took a deep shaking breath, Duo again wondered how the hell he had managed to knock out the perfect soldier with one blow. He raised a hand to his side, wincing slightly, even more surprised that he would get off with only a few bruises. He took a slow step towards Heero's unconscious form and crouched beside him. Carefully rolling him onto his back he slipped the bag from his back, removing some of the rope they had used to get down into the mountain base. Binding Heero hand and foot, he resettled the bag and grabbed Heero's wrists, hoisting him over his shoulder.

Muttering to himself about how someone so thin could weigh as much as they did he slowly made his way towards where the gundams where stored, trying his damndest not to think about what had just happened.

What had just happened? He thought to himself gloomily, shaking his head as he readjusted his comrade's dead weight so it wouldn't sit on top of a newly formed bruise.

Answers would have to wait till after they were in a secure location.


	2. Back to Normal?

Two: Normality Restored?

With careful practiced movements, he subtly adjusted his wrists to test the bonds that held him. Tight. His tried to twist his thin wrist, hoping for an opening. Very tight. Moving his thoughts to his ankles he flexed his toes slowly within his shoes, observing the tension of the bonds over his tendons as he shifted. He wasn't going to be able to slip out of these ones, Heero thought ruefully to himself. Oz must be getting smarter, knowing his skills for escaping capture.

The thought struck him as odd, even before he'd finished it. Oz? He couldn't remember being captured at all... But the chair was familiar, standard base issue, he'd rested on, been interrogated in and used the same type of chair countless times to levy himself up to heights on missions. It must be Oz. Unconsciously, his brow furrowed at his inability to remember his capture, and he squashed the motion as soon as he noticed it, inwardly chiding himself for displaying so obvious a sign of consciousness to anyone who might be observing him.

Eyes still closed he listened carefully for any clues as to whether his captors had noticed the slip, or any indication of where he was. Above the loud humming of ventilation equipment he could faintly hear quiet shuffling of... something, nearby. A not so subtle bump, a zipper, and the clatter of metal objects landing on a surface brought forth the conclusion someone was going through his pack. The sheer volume of the ventilation equipment meant he was underground, or in a very inefficient above ground base.

No. Underground. A memory pulled at the edges of his mind, the base was buried into the side of the mountain, he could vaguely remember scaling down from the cliff, wind threatening to dislodge him from the rough stone, ocean waves crashing at the bottom... Another memory, his Gundam was stored here... Abandoned base. But if it were abandoned how did he get captured? It wasn't the first time they'd been given false information but... They?

He physically started, head jerking slightly, the metal clasp on the end of his bonds making a loud clinking noise against the back of the chair. Heero found himself becoming increasingly nervous that he was having so much trouble remembering any of the last few hours, let alone who his comrade had been for this mission, but at the same time, he was furious that he had forgotten to stay still... There was no way his captors could've missed that.

A soft footfall, barely heard, keeping its distance, "Are you awake?"

Duo.

It seemed like he kept getting missions with the American for some reason.

He opened his eyes, expecting to be in a cell and finding himself held off to the side of an empty and slightly run down base kitchen. Duo was standing a couple of meters away and didn't seem to be about to come closer any time soon.

Why hadn't he untied him?

Why did he appear so... Afraid?

As Heero looked closer he could see that Duo's legs were set and ready to face an attack, his arms, though appearing casual with one on his hip and the other absently brushing some hair back behind his ear were ready, most likely the one was holding onto the hilt of a knife, the other checking for his contact explosives, almost as a reassuring gesture. Duo's eyes would study his face, searching for something, Heero didn't know what, and then flit nervously to the bonds that held him before once again returning to his face.

Realizing he wasn't going to explain, Heero spoke first, "Status?"

Duo avoided the question, again glancing at the bonds before taking a step closer, "Heero..." He stopped, still well away, "Are you alright?"

"Why am I bound?" He responded curtly, quickly loosing patience.

Instead of answering, Duo pulled back his black sleeves and turned the insides of his arms to face him, a challenging look in his eyes.

Heero's eyes widened slightly at the ugly but clearly handprint bruises twinning their purple way across his pale skin. "Oz?" He asked in a quiet tone, a flickering of uncertainty pulling at his memories of the past hours.

Duo shook his head, dropping to a crouch, "Heero, you totally cracked! You just went all berserker and tried, none-too successfully, I'll add, to tear me to pieces! What the hell is going on?!"

Heero just blinked at him, a slight tinge of confusion in his face the only sign of his disbelief.

Duo just stared back, emotions clouding his features, feelings of anger, bewilderment, wariness, and mostly... hurt.

Heero's voice could barely be heard when he managed to speak, "...what?"

Duo bit his lower slip slightly before rising and walking back into the kitchen, disappearing around the corner. He came back a moment later with the stun gun from his pack and his knife drawn and ready. Heero noticed with an inward grimace that he was limping slightly, favouring his right leg. "You," Duo muttered, coming within reach for the first time, "are NOT going to attack me again, Capisch?"

"You tied me up?"

"Yes, but only after you tried to beat me to a bloody pulp." He crouched down beside the chair, anger now showing clearly in his violet eyes.

Heero looked away from him, gazing off towards the kitchen, "I don't remember that, Duo."

"Well that just completes my already perfect day... First we're told to come to this abandoned base, and 'await orders'." He stretched the last two words with distaste, "which means that God only knows how long we'll be here. Second, after an annoyingly 'silent' descent and subsequently 'silent' walk deep into this base, you go crazy and pound me into a wall, and then now you don't even remember?! What the hell, Yuy?" Duo spoke, voice slowly rising in pitch and accusation as he continued on, leaning in to cut the bonds holding Heero to the chair. Duo eyed him nervously as he cut, stun gun ready and waiting in his other hand. Cutting the last strand from around his wrists, he took a step back and waited, "Yuy?"

Heero didn't answer, slowly moving his hand up to gently finger a bandage on his forehead.

"If we're going to have to stay here for a while I think I should know what the hell is going on!" Duo spat out, frustration evident in his voice.

Heero stood, still not meeting his eyes. "It's happened once before, I think..." he spoke slowly, as if not completely believing himself.

Duo waited, expecting more, and shifted to place the knife back where he'd gotten it.

"Do we have a com-link? I need to talk to J." Heero's tone made no room for argument.

Duo sighed, putting on what was only partially a show of annoyed disgust and pointed to an open door to the hallway. "3rd door on your right."

With that, Heero Yuy strode purposefully out, all previous hesitation erased. Duo returned to emptying the packs, grumbling to himself about personal safety issues, but prepared, for now, to wait for an explanation. The stun gun was never beyond reach, however, and his guard never went down. Inwardly he knew this wasn't over yet.


	3. plans within plans

Three: Plans within Plans

Legs dangling from atop the countertop, Duo sat, eyes closed, with his head resting against the cupboard behind him. The only sound was the hum of the ventilation system and the rhythmic scrape of metal on metal as he idly spun the stun gun in circles against the counter with one hand. A few rotations in one direction, stop, then spinning the other way a few times, stop - all the while desperately wishing he could just crawl onto one of the pallets in the other room and sleep the exhaustion and stress of the last few hours away, but knowing he needed to be on his guard.

Thoughts rushed through his head, foiling any attempt he was making to relax - his sides hurt, his leg ached, the counter was cold, the fluorescent lights were flickering slightly, he was hungry, tired... Heero was acting crazy... Or had been acting crazy. Now he seemed back to his old self, not even caring that he's tried to kill his comrade... silent and efficient, and yelling...

Yelling? Duo opened one eye, and then the other, bringing his gaze to the doorway into the hall where Heero had gone to use the com link. He couldn't hear the words very clearly but he could distinctly hear Yuy yelling at something. He strained his ears, bringing the stun gun to a stop mid-spin.

"...not your personal Lab Rat!" Heero was saying, "...untested? ...system..."

Duo unconsciously tilted his head in confusion, thinking to himself that he hadn't been informed of any new system... Trying to hear more he silently cursed as Heero's voice quieted, lowering in volume to beyond his range.

* * *

Dr. J was gazing through the com link, an annoyingly confident smirk ghosting about his lips as he took in Heero's torrent. When he was sure the boy was finished his ranting he responded back, slowly as if explaining something to a none-too-bright child. "The system was untested, yes... But did you not feel how it had increased your ability? Without it you were just another well-trained pilot, but with Zero you could take on whomever or whatever you wished!"

Heero had taken the short moment to regain what composure he had left, replacing a rare look of anxiety with his usual glare, "you told me it was a targeting system. An upgrade. I can barely control myself when I use it, and now..." He paused, his resolve slipping with every word, "I attacked my comrade! That is hardly an acceptable side effect!"

J's response was instant, vehemence clear in his tone, "Your comrade?! What a pleasant name for a tool! 02 is a means to an end. I did not train you to view your resources as anymore than that! I will not hear the quaint civilian terms of friendship coming from your mouth, and I will not see such clear breaks in your training! The system is volatile, but the advantages in your performance are significant. You will continue to use the system, and you will overcome these "side-effects" or you will be terminated! 01, is that understood?!"

Heero's eyes tightened visibly, and his jaw clenched as he spit out the response, "Roger."

J smiled, an infuriatingly confident motion, "Good." Clasping his robotic hand together once, he disconnected the link. He used his good hand to push himself out of the chair and stood, smiling openly now. "Good. Soon we will see how well trained 02 is... And if he doesn't survive, 01 will only become stronger. Acceptable losses."

The other scientist in the room shrugged, "You'll find Maxwell has some spunk, I think."

J just raised an eyebrow, "your street rat against my child-assassin? This will be interesting." He laughed, "side-effects, he called them? Perhaps he is more naive than I had previously thought."


	4. shatter

Four: Shatter

The sound of shattering glass brought Duo out of his reverie, and he was on his feet in an instant, pistol drawn, running towards the location of the sound. Rounding the corner he stopped in the doorway of the communications room, gun at the ready, with a quick retort on his lips that died before being spoken as he took in the sight of the room.

Heero stood, hand wrist deep into the monitor, glass shards tracing angry cuts across his forearm. Duo took a few slow steps closer, but Heero didn't react, he just stood, still as a statue, staring down at the broken screen as if it would explain what his hand was doing halfway through it.

Unconsciously biting his lip in a nervous gesture, Duo reached down to unplug the unit, never taking his eyes off the pilot as he held to caution like a life raft in a situation that was making less and less sense by the second. As the last stubborn display light faded to black he shifted, placing his gun back into the hem of his pants before slowly reaching toward Heero's arm as he realized that Heero wasn't going to pull his hand out by himself any time soon.

"Heero, I'm not going to hurt you on purpose, so please, just don't move." Duo managed in the most calm voice he could put up, eyeing Heero's unresponsive face for any sign that he'd heard him or understood, and seeing none. He shook his head to himself before carefully grabbing Heero's wrist, inwardly bracing for another violent attack.

None came. With care he managed to avoid injuring Heero's arm any further; slowly navigating it around the remaining glass as he pulled it from the battered screen. The only reaction he'd received from the other boy was an almost imperceptible sharp intake of breath when he'd touched him. The entire ordeal passed by in an almost surreal silence, Heero not moving a muscle but allowing Duo to pull his hand from the monitor, Duo focusing on the work trying as hard as he could not to think about anything beyond the task at hand. Finally the hand was free and Duo grimaced to himself at the damage, none of the cuts looked too deep but he could see a few small pieces of glass that would need to be removed, making for tedious work ahead of him. He glanced up at Heero's face; he'd closed his eyes, but still wore no expression.

"Heero?" Duo ventured, receiving only a slight twitch of his eyelids as response that he'd heard, "this needs washing and some quality time with a set of tweezers..."

Heero offered no response save opening his eyes.

Duo tried to gauge any clues from that gaze but if he saw any hint of emotion it was only confusion, "I'm not going to carry you."

Heero looked away, but Duo thought he caught a slight snort.

Allowing a cautious grin to crawl onto his features he grasped Heero's uninjured elbow and began to pull him gently back towards the kitchen, "Oh, you'd think that me carrying you would be funny, wouldn't you, Yuy. Well I'll tell you one thing - you're heavier than you'd think..." He allowed himself to fill the silence, sitting Heero down on the couch, grabbing some bandage and tweezers and setting down to cleaning and dressing the wound, "I mean, for someone who can slam his fist through our ONLY hard line com-link as his way of ending a conversation I'd expect a few extra pounds, but looking at you I never thought you'd be more than a hundred pounds soaking wet..."

As he wrapped up the last few strands of the bandage he glanced carefully up at his comrade's face, only to be met with half-lidded glazed eyes and a visibly nodding head. "Heero...?" he started, his tone belaying his disbelief, something just wasn't right. He opened his mouth to ask if he was okay, lifting a hand to shake Heero's shoulder, but before he could make a sound Heero's body went limp under his hand. If it weren't for his grasp he would've fallen off the side of the couch.

Swiftly moving his other hand to check vitals he found everything to be fine, unconscious, but other than that, nothing seemed to be wrong. Duo rose gingerly, stretching his tired muscles, and shifted Heero's form so that he was laying down. He harshly ran his hands hard through his bangs, breathing out an exasperated sigh and whispered what seemed to be fast becoming his most popular saying, "What the hell, Yuy?" before turning towards the hanger where the gundams were kept. Duo knew he wasn't going to get any answers watching Heero sleep. If it was a new system that was causing this, then the best place to start would be his gundam.

"He certainly won't mind if I poke around," Duo muttered to himself as he started towards Wing, "consider it just retribution for the bruises my battered body has had to endure on his account in the last few hours."


	5. only a matter of time

Five: It was Only a Matter of Time

With a groan Heero shifted out of a terribly uncomfortable position on the couch and awoke. His head felt like it was full of sand, and it would take too much energy to follow his practiced waking techniques, his hand was throbbing... He jostled himself into some semblance of a sitting position, face gathered up in his hands, still not risking opening his eyes. He could feel the roughness of a bandage on his one hand, rubbing against his eyelid as he put slight pressure on his forehead, trying to quash the headache that was quickly asserting its control over his unsuspecting body.

Despite the grogginess he could still think... but most of all, he could remember. Not moving, he carefully searched backwards through his recent memories and found that he could now remember in intense detail, as if remembering a film, everything that had happened since he'd connected the zero system. He recalled loosing consciousness, he inwardly cringed, disbelieving that he'd actually fainted, let alone fainted in front of Duo, who was only trying to help him by bandaging up his hand after he'd...

Maxwell would say "he'd lost it"... and the term suited the memory well, he'd most definitely lost it, punching a hole through the com, and then freezing up. It'd been as if he couldn't get past his anger - he'd wanted to seriously maim the doctor, but being unable to he'd just, well... Frozen.

Just like the first time he'd used the zero.

J had given him the system a few weeks past, and he, as ordered, had used it on a mission. A simple base destruction. He'd flown in, taken out the main communications towers quickly and efficiently, and was about to level the base when a cache of mobile suits came at him from behind, changing the simple mission into a minute by minute fight for his life. He recalled his initial anger at the false reconnaissance, but was soon absorbed in the fighting, dispensing with suit after suit but quickly loosing ground against overwhelming odds. Distinctly, he remembered thinking how overrated the new targeting system was as for all accounts it wasn't really improving his technique, and then everything had gone... Well... Crazy.

The system had hummed to action with a bright flash that startled Heero, making him hesitate, and causing him to take a sharp blow from behind that knocked the breath from his lungs and forced his eyes closed with a gasp.

When he had opened them again, what seemed like mere seconds later, he was panting as if he'd run for hours, and more surprising, he was shaking - his hands could barely keep steady on the controls. Risking a glance around him his eyes widened as he took in the sight. Not only had the base been completely leveled, but a path of destruction wound its way from his gundam to the ruins, covered with the smoking remains of mobile suits. More suits than he could count lay twisted in beam-saber ripped piles, or on the edges of new-formed blasted craters, some still sparking, others melted together. He glanced at the time clock; it had been two hours since he'd first arrived at the base.

But before today, he'd only experienced the strange effects of the system while physically attached to it - never had he had problems outside of his gundam. It was frightening; he opened his eyes, blinking at the light as he peered through his splayed fingers. He'd attacked Duo.

He knew that for a fact. They had been walking towards the hanger, and he'd just stopped thinking, all he could remember was a sudden thirst for violence, but unlike what had happened in the gundam, in that situation he'd been conscious of what was happening. His hands tightened visibly at the remembrance, he could remember attacking, and trying desperately to stop himself - Duo was not his enemy! But his internal battle had only manifested itself through sluggish attacks; all he had managed was to slow himself down... If Duo hadn't unexpectedly fought back he wasn't sure how much longer he could have even managed that much.

But he hadn't used the system for days! Their gundams had been transported before they'd arrived and he hadn't so much as looked at the suit since that last mission, as he'd been trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Obviously, avoiding it wasn't making any difference - whatever the system had done to him was affecting him whether he was in the cockpit or not.

He lowered his hands and used the undamaged one to lever himself to his feet. With a deep breath he allowed his training to kick in, and with a ruthless effectiveness he proceeded to ignore any stimuli that would distract him, the throbbing of his head, the bandaged arm, the nauseous feeling that was wavering on the edges of his consciousness, begging him to rest and most of all the fear. Fear of losing control again, fear that he wouldn't be able to stop... Regardless of its origin, he gathered it up and pushed it to the back of him mind.

Firmly planted in mission mind-set he stalked off towards the hanger. The answers were in his gundam, not in a beaten down military kitchen.

Stepping quietly into the dimly lit hanger he walked towards the back section, the area closest to the underground tunnel that exited the base. In the dark he could see the towering shapes of the Gundams Deathscythe and Wing, the latter lit vaguely from its center - a bluish hue of operating lights and monitors.

Duo.

He widened his stride, inwardly preparing a rather pointed opening for a discussion on invading other people's gundams but was stopped in his tracks as the hanger was suddenly flooded with light, first a golden yellow that faded nearly as soon as it had spread, and then a menacing green as the wing zero's eyes were lit dully from behind. 


	6. enemy

Six: Enemy

Heero's eyes widened at the yellow blast. There was something familiar about that, if he could just...

A blast of air sent his hair flying, and he closed his eyes against the heat.

Remember. The zero system had loaded up with the yellow blast, just as he'd been hit from behind, he could almost recall, it had spoken to him, but not audio, No, it had spoken within, or perhaps forced some small part of him to voice every variable that had been holding him back. Fear, disbelief, his limitations, his will to live... All were deemed unnecessary to his performance, all were forgotten, and replaced with...

He opened his eyes as the air faded, and glanced stoically up at the gundam, he still had a few more seconds before it was fully operational. Heero began to sprint the remaining distance between him and the machine, closing the distance faster than he would have thought possible, mind racing as he fought to deal with the task at hand, while still pulling more information from his tattered memory.

Zero had replaced all those critical elements in his soul with emptiness, and a single concept - the enemy. He'd fought, fought against the mobile suits, but mostly he'd fought against the system as it drilled in the concept of enemy and it. It was his only ally, everyone, everything, everywhere was his enemy.

Duo was in Wing.

He vaulted up onto his gundam's leg, hands grasping learned handholds within the metal casing, climbing quickly. He could feel the machine stirring to life beneath his hands; there wasn't much time.

Zero was the only one he could trust. Zero could defeat all enemies. Zero could make him faster, stronger... Zero could become him, defeat his fear, defeat his notions of what is and isn't possible...

Duo was using Zero. Or was Zero using...

Duo.

He was out of time. Mere handholds away, he watched as the wide door to the cockpit rotated inward on itself effectively blocking him out of the machine, and shutting Duo inside.

* * *

"What the..." was all he managed in a shocked whisper before coherent thought was lost to him, Duo's eyes widened as the cockpit faded away in a blinding shock of golden light, his hands tightened, white-knuckled against the controls, it felt like he was falling - a gut-wrenching drop that reminded him of the meteor landing, when gravity had asserted itself fully on his colony-raised body for the first time.

He blinked, and watched with a mix of awe and fear as the blue-green planet came hurtling closer and closer to the carrier, he could hear the mission specs running through his com: Destroy all enemies, Destroy all who see you, your Gundam is your only ally...

He cocked his head slightly to the side, thinking, No... That's not right, I'm to meet the doctor's contact on landing... I'm not alone...

With the thought his vision blurred, the view of the earth faded to a starry black, he shook his head quickly, as if trying to clear his head... the seat felt wrong, the control grips were not Deathscythe's...

"No..." he managed to whisper as he closed his eyes against the sight, trying to concentrate on feeling. He wasn't in Deathscythe... He knew that, he wasn't in his Gundam... But if not there, where? He ran his tensed fingers around the navigation controls, pressing his palms against the rubber, it was a mobile suit control, that he could tell from just feel, it's grip broken in from constant use, he slid his hand up into the position the pilot would hold, it didn't fit his hands, the form was just slightly too large...

He opened his eyes.

A startled gasp escaped his lips, he could see the tattered remains of the church from his perch atop a nearby building, the cleanup crews were removing the debris, piling rubble and bodies into a nearby disposal unit, taking no difference in care whether they were removing stone or flesh.

They had all been there, everyone he had known, anyone he'd ever considered as family... All he'd known. He was alone. The only remnant...

His eyes tightened. The path of destruction ended at him, the God of Death.

He was alone.

He jumped from the edge of the fire-escape, already bracing to land on the rough ground of the L2 alley, he rolled and...

Was running before he was even completely on his feet, swerving around the edges of the cameras, gun at the ready, braid trailing along behind him, whipping against his back at every step.

'Simple mission, my ass...' he thought to himself as he ducked into a darkened lab, crouching below the glass as a group of Oz soldiers rushed by, standard issue boots scraping against the floor.

He heard a scuffle in the dark and turned, shooting before he even fully saw the target, still crouching low to the ground. In the silence that followed the shot he could hear the rustling of fabric as a body slid to the floor, the sharp slap as their cheek hit the tiles deafening in contrast to the quiet about him. In the dim light he could just barely make out the face of his enemy, staring back unblinking in a slowly widening pool of blood.

"He's so young..." he whispered to himself slowly before crying out, face tightening in pain, it was like the compassionate thought he had uttered was a shard of glass twisting in his mind, he could hear from somewhere, something was telling him that the boy was his enemy and nothing more.

His enemy...

His enemy... Who was his enemy? Memories flashed relentlessly through his mind, the church in flames, mission after mission, explosions, fighting for his life, running, pain... His stomach ached, he could feel the bruises, but couldn't remember where they had come from...

His enemy, and nothing more...

The memories came slowly, in patches and spurts, a punch, another, a growl... He could feel the cool concrete behind his back as his enemy battled him back against it, his eyes opened and he looked down at his wrists, eyeing the bruises that ran almost down to his elbows...

Under attack. His enemy...

The cockpit doors opened, blasting his bangs back from his eyes in a rush of air, he looked up slowly, a hardened grin already forming on his lips.

Heero.


	7. battle

Seven: Battle

As the cockpit door lowered before him, Heero's breath caught in his throat.

Duo.

Hands gripped tightly to wing's controls, shoulder's hunched, breath coming ragged from his shaking form, bangs drenched with sweat to his forehead, staring back at him... No familiar recognition shone in Duo's features, merely a tight, vicious and targeted... Rage.

Heero had barely a second to take in the sight before Duo launched out of the chair towards him, jumping from pilot's chair to his chest, knocking the both of them over the edge, not a care for the fall.

Even in the air they struggled, a few seconds, air pushing, inevitable ground rising up...

Heero kicked Duo away before impact, rolling heavily into a crouch a few meters from Duo's position.

There was no pause. Duo, flipping backwards from the kick landed impossibly on his hands and somersaulted, breaking into a run nearly before he was resettled, growling once before launching himself again at Heero.

The cavernous hanger echoed with the sounds of their struggle, the impacts and strain of the heated conflict made loud by the emptiness of the blackened room.

Heero was giving ground.

Duo, though coming fast was favouring his right leg, in the cool light of the open cockpit his pale skin shone out from the black of his clothing and the shadows around him. The bruising was clearly visible in this light; twin hand-print marks near the wrist of each hand...

Within, Heero was caught, he was holding back, he could feel it, a voice within him screaming, 'Haven't you hurt him enough for one day?!' And another, admonishing, teasing, 'So much regard for the enemy, so much weakness...' He blocked another punch and took a solid kick to the ribs, he was being careless, staggering back, coughing.

Duo didn't hesitate, launching another kick to his enemy's face, knocking him backwards, smirking as he slid along the metal floor, coming to rest at the feet of one of the gundams. He took his time now, stepping slowly, deliberately, towards the target. It was stirring, pushing itself to its knees. Pathetic.

Heero coughed, wiping the blood from his mouth as he pulled himself to his knees. The weakness from before had returned with a renewed strength, his mental conditioning couldn't hold back his throbbing head and battered body any longer. If only there were some way to help Duo resist the Zero... At the sound of a footfall he gazed up at his attacker, the dim light reflected in his eyes gave him an almost surreal cast, watery in the dark. In those eyes shone only malice...

"Duo." He whispered softly, pushing himself to his feet.

Duo paused, eyes tightening, the smirk returning to his features. This was unexpected, he had not planned on his foe attempting to beg, it was a refreshing change from the physical fighting. It was obvious he had won...

The dim light from the above cockpit flickered slightly, Heero watched as Duo's gaze shot quickly up towards the disturbance before returning to him. Maybe... "You don't want to do this, Duo."

A laugh, devoid of humour, "The hell I don't." Duo muttered, half to himself. Unconsciously his hand moved to rub against the bruises on his forearms. He was wasting time. Balling his hands back into fists, he took another step towards Heero, closing the distance between them.

Preparing himself for another onslaught, Heero crouched slightly, gathering whatever strength remained to him.

And then...

Dark. The lights from the gundam winked out, dropping the hanger into pitch-blackness and Heero took his chance. Ignoring pain, he rushed forward to Duo's previous position, maybe he could pin him on the ground, maybe he could subdue him then... maybe he could... Too many maybes... He struck forward, one step... two... then stopped. He should have reached Duo by now, or at least received an attack from him. The lights had been off for nearly 20 seconds now, and nothing?

Blinking uselessly in the pitch black he paused, silent.

To his right, he turned at the sound of a barely heard footfall but didn't move.

A gasp, very close, nearly within reach, he took a slow step towards the sound...

Then a soft groan...

Heero stopped, surprised, as Duo fell towards him, his hands reached forward, grasping shoulders, rough fabric rubbed against his fingers...

No longer under attack, but still on guard, he allowed his weakness to return, falling to his knees under the added weight, hitting the floor with a dull thud. Duo's body slid onto the floor beside him, shoulders still clasped, limp head resting against Heero's chest.

Coughing, Heero stared off into the dark, wearied eyes lost in thought, fighting back the growing exhaustion that was quickly overtaking his battered body.


	8. wall of fire

Eight: Wall of Fire

Switching off the monitor with a tap of his metal hand, Doctor J, snorted to himself, turning to his companion. "Yes, J?" the other man smirked, "Was that some sort of remark about my 'street rat'?"

"A temporary lead, I suppose, but we don't know what happened after loosing the visual."

A grin flickered across his features as Doctor G replied, "Yes, of course, though it did seem as if your boy was holding back."

J turned to face him quickly, growling, "Holding back! 01 doesn't know the meaning of the phrase!" He crossed to the computer and entered a few commands before slamming the "send" key down with a short gesture, chuckling to himself. "Of course your 02 might show prowess at common brawling, but in the Gundam? That is another game entirely."

* * *

The sharp reek of oil and machines assaulted his nostrils as he opened his eyes, groggily blinking a few times as he awoke, only to realize that it was too dark to see. Spreading his fingers on the floor he could feel the grit of dirt and gravel on the metal panels pressing into his palms as he levered himself into a sitting position.

"Where the... what is going on...?" Duo whispered to himself in the dark, straining his eyes and ears in an effort to find out the answers to those questions. The hum of air and feel of dark weight tugged at his memory, and he closed his eyes, thinking...

He remembered: underground base, awaiting orders... This must be the hanger then.

"Okay Duo, how did you get on the floor, passed out in a hanger, with a memory like swiss-cheese?" He asked himself out-loud, hoping the voicing of the question would aid his thought process. Nothing.

With a somewhat overly dramatic sigh he pushed himself to his knees, and then his feet, finding a noticeable amount of pain in his stomach, leg and arms. But waking up in pain was nothing new, and he could still walk just fine. Once upright, Duo checked his pockets, grinning to the dark as his fingers wrapped around a small metal tube. Pulling it out he activated the starter on its base and held it aloft as the flare brightened, filling the space with white mechanical light.

The flash took only an instant to reveal another body on the floor, and Duo moved quickly, rushing to Heero's side, tossing the flare to the ground as he knelt down before him.

"Heero?" he questioned quietly, turning the boy so that he lay on his back, eyes widening at the various bruises, cuts and scrapes across his frame, visible around the edges of his tank top and all over his face.

Duo's brows knitted in confusion as he saw the bandage running up his arm, recognizing his own somewhat makeshift first aid skills staring back at him.

I put that bandage on him... He thought slowly to himself ...right after he punched his hand through the com!

And then it was back, the beating, the revenge fighting, and the system... He shook his head to himself in disbelief, beginning to understand Heero's erratic behavior. Seems that the bandage wasn't the only sign of his handiwork on Heero...

Glancing back down at the other boy he met two sharp eyes staring back at him. Duo unconsciously bit down on his lower lip, silent.

Heero sighed slowly, eyes closing for an instant, letting the breath pass slowly in between his lips before pushing himself to a sitting position, facing Duo in the flickering light of the flare, "Well."

"Well."

Duo opened his mouth to say something else but clamped it quickly shut at the sound of a message beep from Deathscythe, followed closely by a similar sound from Wing. He slowly turned his eyes to the Gundams, hesitating before rising, "You stay here a minute, it's probably the same mission for the both of us."

Heero nodded, using the wall to steady himself as he rose, watching Duo go towards Deathscythe with a hobbling jog. They'd both seen better days.

Turning the screen so that he could read it without sitting down, Duo glanced quickly over the mission specs picking out the key details: tomorrow night, possible carrier destruction, a few miles outside an Oz base, combined mission with 01. He could confirm the finer bits of information later.

"Combined mission." He stated quietly to Heero as he approached.

"...Figures. ETA?"

"Tomorrow. 2100 Hours."

Heero nodded. That would give them a bit of time to rest anyways. Not enough, but some.

Duo glanced nervously at his companion, waiting for him to speak first. The moment stretched in silence, until he couldn't take it anymore, "Yuy, I'm sorry I... Well, you should understand, right? Didn't know what I was doing?"

Heero looked up at him, "I know. I'm sorry too."

Duo attempted a smile, and failed miserably as it turned slowly into another tight-lipped nervous gesture. "What do we do? There's no time to attempt to remove the system from Wing before tomorrow."

Heero shrugged, "We'll just have to do the mission, and then figure this out."

"Yeah but... well... I guess you're right."

They began to walk back into the kitchen, with only the mundane aspects of their wait awaiting them until tomorrow.

Food, Rest, and Time.

* * *

As the door to the kitchen shut quietly and the flare fizzled away, the hanger was once again plunged into blackness, that is, until Deathscythe's open cock-pit flooded with blue light from the view-screen, its commands racing across the display in bright white text.

REMOTE ACCESS REQUESTED

PASSWORD ACCEPTED

DOWNLOADING FULL MISSION SPECIFICATIONS

DOWNLOAD COMPLETE

INSTALLING MISSION UPGRADES

INSTALLING SYSTEM 0

-- 100

INSTALATION COMPLETE

REMOTE ACCESS TERMINATED


	9. three of cups

Nine: Three of Cups

Heero always chose the bottom bunk. Easier exits, closer to the door, no climbing or rifling about in the darkness only to realize that you've forgotten to do something and then having to get back down, do it and then climb all the way back up into bed. It wasn't so much the climbing. Climbing was hardly a difficult task for a Gundam pilot, but why over-exert when the solution was so easy.

Of course, efficiency aside, the view from the bottom bunk wasn't the most inspiring of sights for late-night thought. He blinked, staring upwards at the metal bars and mattress of the bunk above, its darkened form slightly curved from the weight of the body upon it.

In an entire room full of OZ-issue bunks, Duo just had to sleep on the one above him.

And it wasn't the proximity that irked Heero, they had shared close quarters on numerous occasions; it was the tossing, the rearranging, the sighing, muttering and twisting motions of the far-from-quiet mattress not three feet from his head that kept him up, unable to rest while he knew his comrade was also still awake, also thinking, in his silently loud, Duo sort of way, twisting and turning in sharp contrast to Heero's still, barely blinking form below.

Heero may have been still without, but he was churning within. His mind raced with thoughts - not the helpful, constructive, organized thoughts that he preferred, but instead the twisting, repeating, worried and uncertain notions that he could usually ignore, but not tonight. In the silence of the abandoned bunker, it was these unbidden thoughts that seemed to find their voice.

Follow Your Emotions.

This was not the first time this seemingly simple instruction had found its way into his thoughts, and it would hardly be the last.

Following his emotions had not exactly been priority one for most of his life, and as far as credos went, this one seemed to be more of a "do as I say not as I do" variety, rather than a stick-to-it foundation for daily conduct.

However. In situations where training and logic seemed to have disappeared Heero often found himself returning to the simple but enigmatic advice he's received so long ago.

Of course, in quick retrospect, following this advice and letting his emotions run wild the last few hours had only earned him a nice gash and a plethora of bruises and hurt.

Emotions were a problem. From what experience he did have on the subject, Heero had quickly realized, as most do, that emotions rarely make sense.

Emotions were confusing anomalies that lied, twisted and clouded objectives. They were one factor most often responsible for weakness, both in the enemy and the ally. It all boiled down to a very straight-forward equation: Emotion equals Weakness. Simple. Easy. Done.

This equation had come to form the bulwark of Heero's protective fortress, holding back uncomfortable notions like confusion, fear and indecision, holding back all the emotional factors that could have easily killed Heero on a hundred previous missions had he wavered and for a moment remembered that he was in a fact, human.

Follow Your Emotions?

Doubt and Confusion. If Heero were to put names to the emotions he was so desperately trying to suppress at present, they would be the front-runners. These emotions formed the end result of what had happened; what he had done, what Duo had done to him, and what Doctor J had started for them both.

Two, glaring opposites these two.

Duo Maxwell.

And Doctor J.

Zero, the system, an extension of Doctor J, a part of the training, the world of rules and orders and logic and sense had ordered him (in a way) to destroy Duo Maxwell.

His "emotions", if one could really call his uncontrolled unadmitted shrunken feelings that, had shouted at him not to. His Emotions had stayed his hand, pulled his punches, and kept him from killing the boy he had spent so many missions, dorm rooms and time with over the last few months.

Sentimental? No. Heero could never be considered "sentimental". Compassion, sympathy, mercy and empathic notions had all but been bred out of his realm of thought...

But if so, why this awful feeling? That if he had killed Maxwell, it would have been different from every other kill he had been responsible for over his short lifetime.

Why? an angry, frustrated emotional part of himself shouted.

The most pertinent and pointless of questions.

Follow your Emotions.

The simple words returned again, unbidden, signaling both the end this round of thought and the beginning of yet another rotation...

Rolling his eyes to himself in frustration, Heero did a very un-Heero-like thing and sighed aloud. It was short, but it was definitely a sigh, vented through his lips like steam from a spent gundam.

The movement above him stopped abruptly and a short chuckle burst the cracked silence of the darkened room, "Feeling melodramatic, Yuy?"

His only response was a quick snort, loud in the silence.

Another soft laugh shook the springs of the thin mattress as the body above him shifted again.

Heero's eyes flitted to the edge of the upper bunk as a movement caught his eye, and he watched as the end of a long plaited tail of hair hung from the edge, swinging back and forth in the dark. The plait grew longer until part of a head appeared, eyes peering over the edge of the bed, staring quietly down at him. "Can't sleep either?" came the mumbled question, muffled by the mattress against Duo's mouth.

Heero just stared back, a questioning look hiding the lost cast his eyes had carried just moments before.

With a single graceful movement Duo grasped the underside of the bunk with one hand and swung over the edge, landing softly on the ground beside Heero's bed, grunting slightly as he hit the floor on his injured leg.

Heero spryly wondered if Duo's penchant for choosing the top bunk was so that he could show off his normally painless and silent displays of amateur acrobatics in every dismount.

Duo lowered himself gingerly into a sitting position, his back leaning on the edge of the mattress, knees pulled up to his chest, "What do you think is going to happen tomorrow?"

Heero shrugged, turning on his side to face the other boy, but all he could see was the back of his head.

Duo continued, apparently understanding his silent reply, "the mission is pretty normal, I guess...", he rhymed off the technical stats verbatim: "Reconnaissance in the Gundams, monitor any incoming or exiting air traffic to and from the base, search for evidence of hostile forces, and destroy the base and exiting carriers should we find evidence of such... Deathscythe in the south, and Wing to the north." He paused for a moment, thinking, "but..."

"If either of us pull any stunts like we did today, we put each other and the mission in jeopardy, hostile forces or not." Heero finished, sitting up and maneuvering his feet to rest on the floor next to Duo.

Duo glanced upwards, and Heero could see the indent where he was biting on his lower lip. Any visible evidence of distress in Duo's features screamed louder than words that something was bothering him; he was always so good at hiding his true emotions, perhaps even better than Heero himself. Duo nodded, "Yeah."

Heero looked away from him, gazing into the dark corner of the room. Neither of them spoke for a while, lost in the same thoughts that had kept them from sleep for the last few hours.

Heero spoke first, a hesitant whisper, "What did the system show you?"

Duo shifted abruptly, shaken from whatever thought he'd been turning over. He curled tighter, wrapping his hands around his knees and laying his forehead down onto them. "People I'd killed... Friends I'd lost..." his voice was quiet, muted beneath his arms, "...enemies."

Heero ran a slow hand through his messy locks, pausing mid-motion as he thought of something, "Enemies... " He squinted his eyes in thought, "I remember I couldn't tell who my enemy was, so it... I think it was trying to convince me that everyone was my enemy." Heero paused, shaking his head; Duo raised his eyes to meet his gaze, "I can't be sure, it was all so fast..."

"Destroy all enemies?" Duo offered, "I remember that. Again and again... is it crazy to think of a computer system as a voice? A coercing controlling mind-fuck powered voice? Because crazy or not, that bastard was talking inside my head... and even though I fought it, and I did fight it... for a while... that computer, or whatever it was, had me beat, controlled and working for whatever agenda it's messed up program wanted." Duo finished the short tirade with a low growl that ended abruptly as his forehead sharply lowered into his crossed arms, "I did fight it, I swear."

Heero nodded silently, "...so did I. But it wasn't enough." Pushing against the mattress with his hands he slid down onto the floor to sit beside Duo, leaning his back against the bunk. He absently drummed a finger on the concrete floor, thinking. "...why did I attack you?" he asked to no one in particular, "you're not an enemy, not an active threat, you have nothing to do with the original mission I activated the system in..."

"Well I did shoot you that one time." Without raising his head Duo smirked, reminiscing.

"I'm sure I deserved it."

Duo warily looked up at Heero's face trying to gauge his tone.

"I mean, you certainly aren't the type that would just start shooting at people randomly the first time you meet them..."

There was a smile, it was small and mainly in the eyes, but it was there, and Duo grinned full out in response to it, "I was antsy, I'd only been on earth for like a day and I hadn't even shot anyone! I just wanted the other earth-kids to think I was cool!"

Heero just shook his head, the mock-whine was grating, but he grudgingly admitted the banter was serving its purpose well; comfort in sarcasm... No chicken soup or teddy bears for gundam pilots, nope; morbid banter was the name of the game. Comfort wasn't exactly a usual need in Heero, but the luxury of not facing this alone was something he certainly valued. Idly, he wondered what he would have done had he been alone right now. Probably buried it and kept going... Not the healthiest option, he'd be the first to admit, but it certainly was the trained one. Doctor J wouldn't approve of this route, but he wasn't here to see his star pupil uncovering the fair-strewn pieces of his forgotten humanity.

Heero had obviously zoned out for a moment because the next thing he knew Duo was forcefully poking his arm where the bullet had grazed him, months past.

"Seems like I avoided any permanent damage, and hell, Yuy, it's probably the only spot between the two of us that isn't hurt right now."

Heero just raised an eyebrow at the persistent tapping, "You'd better quit that or I'll make SURE it's the only spot that doesn't hurt between the two of us."

Duo stopped mid-tap, frozen, and then laughed. "God I wish I could tell from your tone of voice if you were joking or not..." he replied, running his hand through his bangs. "What time do you suppose it is?" he tacked quickly, changing topic.

"You don't really want to know, seriously."

"Ha. I didn't think so." Duo took a deep breath, releasing it slowly.

Heero closed his eyes wearily and let his head rest backwards on the edge of the mattress, he took a long breath in, and out again.

Duo curled his knees back up to his chest and rested his head on his arms, watching. "I am sorry I hurt you, you know."

Heero didn't move, he could tell Duo wasn't finished, so he waited.

"I mean, bottom line, sure, I was out of my mind, but that's really no excuse. I should've stopped, somehow."

Without opening his eyes Heero knew that Duo was chewing absently on his lower lip like he did when he was unsure of something, he knew what expression would be there if he looked: face uncertain, eyes a little distant, lips in a partial frown - it was only when Duo was really speaking, not just filling silence, that his facial expressions weren't practiced or expertly designed. If he was really thinking about what to say, it was like he didn't have time to worry about how it looked. Heero had noticed that trait only recently, however. It had taken weeks of chatter before Duo had really said anything. Then Heero had seen Duo's mask slip, and realized for the first time how complicated the mask really was.

It was one thing to remain expressionless at all times, but quite another to maintain the appearance of being an open book while hiding everything that was actually important.

"Heero?"

He opened his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" Duo's facial expression stared openly back at him, artifice dropped for the moment.

"I was... thinking about you, I guess."

One eyebrow twitches a little in question, but Duo doesn't speak.

"I've decided that I don't want to kill you." He finished quietly, dropping his gaze.

"You mean that?"

"Yes."

"Even after..?"

"Yes, even after today." In the corner of his eye Heero could see Duo absently rubbing his hand against the bruises on his forearm.

"Why?"

Heero's gaze snapped back to Duo's face at the desperate tone the one word had held, and he found that the questing uncertain look that had been there moments before had been replaced by a sort of injured, feral disbelief. Dumbfounded, he searched for some answer, "I'm as much at fault for today as you are.."

"But you held back! You fought it! You didn't want to hurt me with every ounce of your strength! I almost killed you, Yuy, and for some reason you don't want to get even? Mr. I'm going to kill you as his equivalent for hi how are you today manages to suddenly locate his lost compassion?"

"Duo! It's not your fault!" He shouted over the boy's growing tirade, and the visible cracks in his emotionless mask quieted Duo's voice quicker than his words; open disbelief, sympathy and pieces of concern played across Heero's features, and his wide eyes, no longer icy, were searching and more than a little afraid.

Duo sat opened mouthed at this impossible evidence of emotion for a moment, allowing time for his practiced gaze to analyze and file away every twitch and position of Heero's expression; reading this once-closed book for the first time as he quickly redefined his comrade.

"I don't know how I fought it - maybe it was because you hadn't done anything to hurt me recently... maybe it was because I had used it first a few days ago, maybe its hold wasn't as strong." Heero blurted out a response clumsily, not caring how he sounded as he tried to fill in Duo's silence with words, rushing ahead quickly so as to avoid facing the consequences of the answer to Duo's question of why. "Will you stop looking at me like that?!" Heero curled a hand around one of the legs of the bunk bed, gripping hard, frustrated. His other hand balled into a fist on the floor to hide its shaking.

Duo slowly lowered his hand from where it had been over his mouth, his eyes still openly displaying his disbelief at this emotion-ridden Heero. "I'm sorry, it's just... Heero, calm down, you just surprised me." He moved closer to his comrade, placing a hand over his quavering fist and turning to face him. "I just didn't think... I wasn't sure if... we were friends or if you even saw me beyond the 'somewhat useful but would rather do without him' annoying comrade level." His eyes changed again, from disbelief to a calmer, more thoughtful cast, "I don't want to kill you either," and quieter, in almost a whisper, "it's been so long since I wasn't alone."

Heero nodded slowly, still not trusting his emotions to speak.

Duo's eyes were sad, but his face was calm, considering, "...far too long." He raised his hand wearily to rub his eyes, adjusting his position so that he was once again leaning against the bed frame.

Heero took a deep breath, forcing his trained dampers back down over his emotions for the moment, yet still allowing a trickle of feeling through. With a quick glance he took in the form of his comrade, resting awkwardly to avoid any sore spots, eyes tired but strong, bruised forearms splotchy in the dim. He turned away, once again staring forward. "I've always been alone." He whispered, more to himself than to Duo, but he could feel the boy's eyes on him as he said it, "as long as I can remember."

Duo didn't say anything. There was of course, nothing to say. In the silence he rose so that he crouched beside Heero, and quietly placed a hand on his shoulder.

Heero turned to face him, and his eyes widened as Duo gave him a soft shove, motioning towards the bunk. He watched as Duo climbed onto the lower mattress and then twisted to face him, lying on his side on the far edge of the bed, eyes mouthing a question that Heero couldn't completely understand. Without thinking, Heero pulled himself up from the floor onto the bunk beside Duo, lying sideways so he could face him across the bed. How easy it was to forget how small they both were - they fit onto the bed together without major issue, only meeting at the knees.

Duo reached tentatively forward to brush Heero's bangs from his eyes, "It's easier to read you when I can see them." He whispered, as if in apology, before curling a little, shifting position.

Heero adjusted his legs so that Duo fit better, carefully avoiding his injured knee, and let out a long breath, closing his eyes for a moment, as he tried desperately not to analyze this new turn of events. He slowly allowed his buried exhaustion to return, letting it fill his body and slow his racing thoughts. "We should get some sleep," he said softly, opening his eyes once more.

Duo just smiled, not his grin, or even his oft-seen smirk, but a sort of secret, wholesome, contented smile that seemed to spread through his weary features. "You bet," he answered, quietly reaching a hand backwards to push his braid to rest behind him before closing his eyes and letting out a quiet sigh.

Too tired to argue or even question, Heero rearranged his position once to avoid a forming bruise and closed his eyes as well.

Sleep came quickly for both.


	10. on the sly

Ten: On the Sly

Duo opened his eyes.

Above him the black frame of the upper mattress was just visible in the dim light of the dorm. It was morning.

Duo Maxwell did not need an alarm, or sunlight, or morning birds to tell him this, he just knew. It was a few minutes after seven, give or take a few seconds.

Funny that a colony born-and-bred boy could have such an accurate internal clock; timed to a sun he had never seen move until he had come to earth.

He closed his eyes again, allowing himself a quiet sigh. He was tired, having slept for only a few hours, but he had gone without sleep many a time before. He was sore, but he often woke up to aches and pain. None of these were of any special interest to him. The only matter of note on this particular morning was the feeling of warmth that spread throughout his thin body; this was new, this was rare, and he would easily admit that This, was welcome. He lay, and took a minute to enjoy this new sensation: the feeling of a presence to his side, the warmth of another body nearby. He reveled in the warmth, spreading his awareness throughout his body to fully appreciate the feeling of blurry goodness that was the lack of numb fingers, ears, nose and toes.

Duo had to admit to himself, warmth was probably his favorite part of coming to Earth. In space, things were always cold, metal, and artificial. Everywhere you went was a perfect but often insufficient twenty-one degrees centigrade; a temperature in which one didn't require sweaters or jackets, but at the same time was never comfortable in t-shirts or shorts. On L2, if you didn't keep moving the tips of your fingers and your face would become numb, and when you slept you woke up cold and stayed that way until you started moving again.

Though he had not noticed or cared at the time. Ignorance was bliss, and until leaving, Duo had never thought anything of it as he layered clothes and woke up during the night to move around and get his blood flowing again. In those days being cold was a hidden asset, helping to keep sleep to a minimum, allowing him to be active when others were oblivious and the colony was ready and waiting to be explored.

On Earth, it was different. He had felt the sun, and baked in his black clothing under its rays. He had had to roll up sleeves, remove layers, and expose pale skin for the first time in his life to avoid overheating. When he'd worked on the farm those first few weeks he'd burnt so terribly his employer had forced him to wear wide-brimmed hats for days afterwards, concerned that he might have some sort of condition.

But it was worth it. Given the choice, Duo would never again live at twenty-one degrees, he'd take Deathscythe and capture some deserted island, or go to the desert, or even move to mercury if it meant that he'd never be cold again.

Mercury? He laughed to himself silently, opening his eyes again. You're rambling, he chided himself inwardly, Even when you're silent you're rambling. Next you'll start to compose the first few stanzas of 'Duo Maxwell's Ode to Warmth' and give up this life of crime to clean pools in some rich neighbourhood in the south somewhere! For God's sake, you can barely swim.

Allowing himself a sly grin, he derailed the ridiculous train of thought he'd been riding and forced himself to face the truth. Duo knew what he was doing; procrastinating, hesitating, prolonging the inevitable, avoiding the thoughts of what this day would contain or what last night had meant. He didn't want to move. He didn't want to be responsible for breaking the silence, shifting the mattress and causing events to move towards the consequences of the waking world.

He would much rather just lay there, comfortable and warm for the rest of time; quiet, and consequence free. But...

There was one thing in this world that Duo hated more than being cold, and that was being rushed. Another minute of this idle thought-process and the entire day would be hurried and out of joint.

He turned onto his side.

Heero was facing him, barely moved from where he had been when they had fallen asleep. His eyes were open, an unreadable cast shining through them as he gazed at Duo. Heero had awakened when he'd heard Duo's breathing change from sleeping to waking, his own internal clock wasn't set to go off for another half hour.

"Good morning," he offered tonelessly, but gently.

Duo smiled, "'morning." He bit his lower lip and squinted slightly before mouthing the words, "do we HAVE to get up?"

Heero decided to humour him, pausing as if thinking, then twitching an eyebrow in rebuke, a swift, are-you-kidding-me motion that instantly forced Duo into an exaggerated mock-pout, lower lip protruding beneath overdone child-innocent eyes.

After this quick series of silent sentences Heero attempted a mock-glare and almost succeeded, ending up with a sort of half-smile grimace that, much to his dismay, quickly sent Duo into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

"I'll find something for breakfast," Heero offered, giving up, as he slid to the edge of the bed. He ran a quick hand through his hair, returning it to its usual position before adding, "You can have the shower first since you take forever."

The shaking laughter abruptly ceased as Duo opened his mouth with a loud, "I do NOT take forever!"

But Heero had already closed the door behind him.

Duo sat up, shaking his head to himself, knowing full well that he did, in fact, take forever, this being the main reason for his waking up so early in the first place. It could not be helped. Vanity was a cruel mistress. With a pained look on his face he removed the elastic from the end of his hair and began the slow process of raking his hands through the matted braid, far too long left unattended.

Thank God for evening missions.

And Hot Water.

* * *

Heero didn't hurry. He knew they'd be eating rations for breakfast, so other than pulling the packages from their bags and placing them on the table, there wasn't really much to do to prepare the meal.

Heero dug the containers from their packs, placing them on the table, and pulled the second chair back from the side of the room to the kitchen. There were still cut strands of rope lying on the floor beneath the chair from the events of the day before.

He walked back to the other room and picked up the rope, twisting the pieces in his hand, thinking.

The outside observer would call this day-dreaming, wool-gathering or staring into space. Another might compare Heero's stance to that of a figure on a screen placed on pause. He stood, eyes staring in front of him towards a dusty duty roster board, but not focused on it. His right hand held the cut rope, his thumb and forefinger turning the rough weaves around and around again. His left hand hung limp, and bandaged at his side. There was a slight indent in his chin where his teeth absently grasped his lower lip.

A scene replayed itself in his mind, twisting like the rope through his fingers, as he examined the memory from every angle, trying desperately to figure out why he couldn't bring himself to forget it, to move on with the day. Sure, he was up before schedule, but he could better spend his time polishing wing or going over mission specifications.

The memory was hardly unpleasant, but its permanence was disturbing, the level of detail with which he could recall every part of it surprised even his expectations.

He had always been a light sleeper, perhaps all gundam pilots were, that was hardly an individual trait. And it was not as if he didn't dream, but he had never before witnessed the ghosts of another's inner recollections travel across a sleeping face.

It's not like he made a habit of watching other people sleep.

It had been last night, of course, when he had done this. After an hour or so of sound rest after crawling onto the bottom bunk with Duo he had awakened, eyes snapping open in trained response to a change in environment. The mattress had shifted, and something had bumped into his thigh.

His eyes had snapped open, and he'd watched as Duo curled tight into himself, knees coming upwards so that Heero could just make out his face between the veil of his bangs and the start of his legs. He had watched, knowing Duo was still asleep, as his face had traced its way from expression to expression, some he recognized: frustration, calm, confusion, grief, and others he could only guess at.

Heero had watched, as Duo's bangs had shifted with every rearrangement of his forehead, how his eyes had followed the movements of whatever wraiths he was glimpsing beneath his closed lids.

Heero had heard when Duo whispered, "Don't..."

"Don't... Leave."

And lastly, Heero had reached out, a hesitant but careful hand, grasping forward and finding its way to Duo's head, gently brushing his bangs aside before tracing a slow line down his face, calming.

Heero had felt as Duo leaned towards his hand, his dreams slowing as he sank once again into a deeper sleep.

After that, he had carefully pulled away and watched for a while until he was sure there would be no more incidents, before returning to sleep himself.

It was this moment, this memory, that Heero found himself uncontrollably replaying, analyzing and examining. It was this memory that Heero found unable to forget, as it twisted and spun its way through his mind.

Who had Duo been talking to?

It was a stupid question, it was a dream, it could have been anyone, but Heero seemed to be full of wasteful questions this morning. Why didn't he wake up when I touched him? Why did I do that? Why was I watching him sleep in the first place?!

Stupid questions. Unanswerable questions. Waste of time questions. Frustrating as hell questions.

Pocketing this rope Heero growled quietly to himself, venting his personal frustrations into that quick guttural sound. Duo would be done in the shower soon, and it was high time he got ready, there would be time for these idle thoughts another day. If he let them wander they would graduate from frustration to distraction and Heero was too well trained to accept that kind of weakness, even from his own thoughts.

Or at least that's what he'd keep telling himself as he cycled through missions specs, preparations and other tasks linking this morning to the evening mission. He could feel the lie within himself, but what was he to do? It's not as if he could just stand around thinking for the rest of the day!

And even if he spent the entire day staring at the dusty duty roster and twisting the broken piece of rope, it would lead him no closer to the answers to any of the pointless questions that plagued his thoughts.

If they even had answers at all.

Biting down hard on his lip, he set himself to task, opening up his laptop and pulling open the pre-mission check list, clicking away his preparations.

This was pure stupidity, he had no time for questions, no time for thoughts about Duo, or the zero system, or doubt or fear. There was a mission to complete and he was thankful for the routine of preparation and the excitement of approaching danger.

Questions and emotions could wait.

Or so he would keep telling himself with greater and greater emphasis until it was forced into truth.

They could wait.


	11. used

A/N: Shorter but better than nothing. Comments are appreciated, and in response to a question, I guess the other pilots COULD potentially help... I just find it harder to write the other characters. Duo and Heero are the most real in my mind, and the show does spend a great deal of time developing them versus the others...

Well mainly time developing Heero, but since Maxwell talks so much it more than makes up for the eps. he's excluded from...

In short, I apologize to Trowa, Quatre and Wufei, etc. for the fact that they just don't inspire me to prose.

Sorry, guys. You're just too silent, angsty or blond for my liking. Ah well.

-shäl-tn

-  
Eleven: Used

How could I have been so stupid!

Heero's hands tightened painfully against wing's controls, his knuckles white as his nails dug into the worn rubber of the holds. Of course it was a trap, and had he not been so... distracted by other events, he would have seen it coming.

They shouldn't have even gone on this mission.

It had only been a matter of time before the quiet surveillance operation had turned into a desperate struggle; they'd been surrounded by enemy mobile suits and too far away from one another when it had happened to even back each other up.

But now there was only the battle, the slashing, dirty, tiring rampage of metal against metal, and the relentless rumble of blasting weapons against the harsh intake of each breath. He was loosing ground.

Heero knew this, but he couldn't accept it. He had to keep moving, just for another few seconds, another minute, another hour...

Every minute was another step backwards, another enemy suit felled only to be replaced by another. Each step a loss, but each step was closer to Duo. Hopefully the other pilot was thinking the same thing, eventually they would be back to back...

Hopefully the other pilot was still alive.

He had long ago turned off the comlink for the mission, and the radar was too full of blips to confirm or deny the presence of another gundam, there were just too many suits on the field. The radar only showed a concentration centre to the rear that he hoped was a still-fighting Duo.

There was no time to check in, every movement given was for the fight, and he wouldn't risk breaking Duo's concentration with the intrusion. He'd have to take care of himself.

It was all so repetitive at this point: one trap after another, setbacks, new systems, unstable fighting... Almost enough mishap to make someone paranoid, as if there was a pattern...

Caught in mid-thought, Heero's thin body was slammed sideways into the hard console on his right, the restraint belts barely keeping him from smashing his head open on the machinery. The enemy mobile suits hadn't come this close before - why now?

A red warning light blinked above him.

He was out of ammo. Artillery fire was disabled, there was nothing left to keep the suits from making the battle up close and personal.

He dropped the rifle and housed the machine guns, opening a side compartment on his Gundam's side. Wing grasped the butt of the beam saber, its green ray buzzing to light, glowing brightly in the dim of the retreating sun. Shadows lay long against the valley as the daylight faded away, and his attackers took a moment before moving, most likely assessing the new weapon's capabilities and adjusting their view screens to accommodate for the changing light.

Heero used the few seconds to glance across the wasteland of charred suits and half-burnt trees. In the distance he could see the fast-moving stream of a green scythe.

Blasting Wing's engines backwards, he quickly pushed his way in that direction, gaining a few hundred metres before the fray pressed back into him, closer than before, and more insistent, as if grown stronger with the dark.

* * *

In the growing dim the scythe cast eerie shadows across the moving pulse of the enemy suits, and the blasts and sparks of the battle seemed more insistent and violent in their strobe-ing bursts of light. As the sun dipped behind the far-away peaks at the edge of the valley a bright yellow streak approached from the rear, and Duo nearly spun to meet this new attacker before realizing it was Wing, blasting closer, but only gaining a part of the distance between the two gundams.

With a razor sharp grin showing a the edges of barred teeth Duo braced himself, spinning Deathscythe quickly in a semi-circle before jumping backwards towards the other gundam, hoping the abrupt change in movement would buy him the few seconds he needed to close the distance.

The round motion of the scythe as he moved cut a messy swath through the approaching mobile suits, and they halted their forward movement in surprise, caught off guard as the Gundam took to the air.

Taking his chances with the landing, Duo piloted the jump as close to Heero's position as he dare before coming down and resuming the fight as he fell.

It was not the most graceful movement, half-crushing a few unsuspecting suits while trying to fight a position into the enemy from above, and Duo struggled, pushing his already tiring limits... If he could only last another second more, maybe he could get to Wing, together they might have a chance; the enemy's numbers couldn't be unlimited...

But there were so many enemies.

Hands clasped tightly against the controls, they were beginning to shake with the force with which he grasped the handholds, sweat plastered his bangs to his forehead, and his breathing was beginning to come in fatiqued gasps, but all this he ignored, eyes narrowed, teeth pressed tightly together, lost in the rythmn of each stroke, each blow received and given... Duo knew he couldn't possibly keep this up, but at the same time he didn't see any way he could possibly stop.

* * *

Within sight of each other, had they only a chance to turn around, but still too far to be of any help, neither pilot noticed that as the fighting reached its peak intensity and they in unison, tired, that the enemy forces, though coming at them with quicker motions and greater force, was decreasing in number, as the majority of the units slowly left the field.

There was no way to notice this with all their available attention focused on the task at hand, just as there was no way they could have noticed the nearly instant retreat of all the mobile suits just as both Gundams stalled for a vital second, their view screens going from black night light battle to blaring, vivid, yellow.

In a hidden room, on a colony where this kind of thing went unnoticed, two scientists involuntarily leaned in towards the wall of screens displaying live feeds of the battle alongside two biometric data readouts labeled 01 and 02.

TBC

I think I'll call Chapter 12 "Zero Hour"... seems appropriate.


	12. zero hour

-  
Twelve: Zero Hour

You know that feeling when you've lost something important, where you're sitting on the verge of outright panic but you keep telling yourself that you're just being stupid and that you're bound to find it at any moment; under your jacket, or on the table, or slipped onto the floor hidden beneath your bed...

You know how your heart starts to pound, your breath starts to quicken and your mind plays with imaginary scenarios, who can you call to help you, what will you do if it's really lost... But mostly, as you panic you ask yourself how this could have possibly happened, how this situation could have been thrust upon you at such a moment, and you find no answer, no divine wisdom, just slow, building, Panic?

He couldn't remember where he was, he didn't know how he got here, he was, in a word, Lost. Duo's heart was pounding, his breath was coming in straggled gasps, he was exhausted and didn't know why, he hurt and couldn't remember the cause, he couldn't put a finger on what he had been doing, and most important and panic inducing of all these things was the fact that he was blind.

It was dark, he couldn't see, he was shaking and even as he chided himself within, trying to convince himself that all this was only stupidity, he was obviously dreaming, and though this nightmare felt more real than anything he'd ever experienced while dreaming, this building panic was unreasonable...

He closed his eyes and opened them, no difference.

He closed his eyes, pressing them tight closed and shouted, breathless in the dark, "WAKE UP!... You idiot, WAKE UP!", but nothing happened.

And slowly, ever so slowly, he began to feel the change, as his panic turned to Dread. Something about this felt ever so familiar, like a memory on the edge of his awareness, a half-remembered fear or a buried nightmare struggling to resurface...

And he began to remember...

Duo could feel a bitter chill running its way through his body from the pit of his stomach up his clammy back to his fear-dry mouth. In the blackness he could feel the grips of the controls under his quavering palms, he could feel the unforgiving seat beneath him, and he remembered the first time the zero system had grasped him, he remembered the pain, the shock, the over-powering control.

It had been fast, that time; a sneak attack. Not like this...

This time, for the few moments before the system took the remains of rational thought from him, This time, he knew. He felt the system's icy clasp as it worked its way into his mind with a bitter, calculating slowness, as if it wanted him to feel every inch of his will fade away into its unstoppable nothingness.

He tightened against his harness as it took hold, a faint, angry swear word the only sound as his parched lips twisted into a tight grimace before they went slack, and cold, and dead.

"Fuck..."

* * *

In the bright reflection of the yellowed view screen, Heero's icy blue eyes were narrowed in pain, burning with internal frustration and stubborn refusal. His teeth bit into his lower lip until a small trickle of blood ran from its side, his hands were balled up, nails digging marks into the rubber of the gundam's controls, his shoulders were pulled so tight they were shaking, the motion sending frantic vibrations down his thin arms.

"No..." He whispered to no one, because no one was there.

The flash turned to blackness and he shut his eyes out of reflex to the change of light, realizing too late his mistake, he couldn't open them again, or maybe he had and couldn't tell...

It didn't matter, the blackness had him, blotting out his awareness, shutting down the parts of his mind he had not held tight enough in his desperation to stay conscious; his sight, his motor functions, the unguarded parts of his mind...

The system was winning - stealing away bit by bit of his resistance with offers of simplicity, not having to think, not having to fight, not having to worry...

His mouth still hurt.

He could feel the pain of it, his teeth clenched into the skin.

It was the only thing he could still feel, and he targeted his remaining awareness on it...

But it was futile. For even as he focused, even as he centred his entire being on the feeling of ripped flesh and the small wetness trailing down his cheek, even as he concentrated on this he could feel his jaw relaxing and the pain receding into a dull throb, he could feel it as he lost the battle and the zero took hold of all that he was...

His slight frame relaxed against the chair, and his eyes slowly opened as the view-screens refreshed, their bright readouts identifying and analyzing his new target: a single mobile suit, located a few hundred metres behind him across the darkened field.

* * *

The real battle began only a few seconds after the yellow blast, mere moments after the field had cleared and all enemy targets had been evacuated. The two Gundams paused only for an instant before turning to one another - they clashed, lit only by the haze of the moon and the vivid green of beam saber meeting scythe as they moved, almost quicker than the recording devices on the edges of the field could capture, from hit to parry to dodge and back again in a twisting turning endless cycle of mechanical violence.

The night was torn by the sounds of electric beams smashing and mechanical operations binding as they moved faster than their original specifications could have ever have anticipated for. The Gundams were an odd match; black as night dancing and parrying with deft impossible maneuvers, white and winged racing and swooping down in deadly arcs of terrible purpose.

There were tight moments of close combat and near blows, where the steam of moving overheated components mingled with the exhaust of the opponent's machine in the cold of the night.

There were calculating pauses as distance was formed and new tacts were tried, lasting for seconds and ending always in a new rush, each time faster and more deft, more frantic in its motion.

And through all of this, the pilots tired.

The Zero system of didn't allow them to feel it as it increased their ability, helped them to anticipate the other's attack, and robbed them of their fears and doubts in order to push them to new levels of ability.

But they were only human, and they tired, flirting with exhaustion and death with every stroke of combat.

Their movements became faster and faster, more and more rushed, but still better planned than the previous attempt; more skilled, more intelligent, learning from every attack...

But with each run, they wore, their bodies failing as their minds quickened.

And in a room, on a distant colony, a doubting voice whispered, "We're killing them, aren't we?"

"It seems that way," a dark voice responded, his tone shrugging, "it's not like we can stop it now."

And the beam saber slashed down from the star-strewn sky only to be caught by a green scythe swung from below.

And they twisted, unlocking and turning, intent gleaming as an opening presented itself and, in unison the blades struck home, long scythe arcing towards the cockpit of the white machine as the straight flaming blade of the saber slashed its way upwards to the black centre panels of the other suit.

And just as the tail edges of the monstrous weapons scorched the edges of the door panels on the opposing machine, they froze, leaving the twin suits locked within a bitter tableau in the centre of the field - blades throbbing with energy, forms twisted horribly against the other, weapons trained on their opponent's death as surly as their enemy was aimed at their own fate.

Twin orbs of green within detailed helmeted heads scanned the other for any weakness, any way to twist this stalemate into victory...

And found none.

Cat's game.


	13. and so it goes

Thirteen: And So it Goes

There was motion, a calm, back and forth sort of rocking motion that lulled and comforted his lithe frame, wooing him to rest as his mind struggled to bring him to waking.

There was a breeze, cool against his face, ruffling his bangs ever so slightly and smelling of water and salt.

Duo's brow furrowed ever so slightly, his eyelids fluttering as his breathing quickened.

He could hear the soft hum of engines, muffled by the metres of steel between the machine decks and where he slept.

As he flexed his fingers slowly, painfully, he could feel the gentle touch of clean blankets pressed into his sides and around his legs.

He opened his eyes a crack and slowly adjusted to the faint light coming from the window - it was either early morning or evening, the light was dim, the sky a deep darkened blue outside the glass.

Grabbing the edge of the mattress lightly he jostled himself slowly onto his side...

And regretted it instantly, "Shit..." he whispered to himself sharply, shutting his eyes tightly against the shot of pain that worked its way up his side when he put weight on it, but he clenched his teeth down hard and slowly pulled back the sheets to survey the damage: no major splints or bandages to speak of, just a pile of pretty awful bruises on every visible patch of skin, and, by the feel of it, a whole series of internal injuries...

Duo winced to himself as he bent his knee closer to his face, twisting folds into the largish t-shirt and boxers he was dressed in, squinting in the dim light as he checked out a particularly nasty bruise running down his shin. But just as he finished maneuvering it into place, he was interrupted by a noise at the door, he could hear the handle mechanism in the metal frame click as it was released.

His head jerked up sharply as a figure began to walk in and the swiftness of the movement caused him to loose his precarious balance on the edge of the mattress as a wave of dizziness swept through his body.

"Whoa, there kid - not so fast," a familiar voice muttered, catching his shoulders before he fell off the bed, and gently maneuvering his head back to the pillow.

Face still cast in a tight grimace, not yet trusting himself to open his eyes, Duo whispered, "...Howard?"

The man chuckled, "Who else would be so darned nice to you?"

Duo grinned weakly in response, wetting his lips and slowly opening his eyes, "How?" he asked slowly, but quickly his half-lidded gaze slammed to full alertness as his eyes opened and he glanced franticly around the room, "Wait - Heero?"

"He's in the next room. Still asleep, or so it seems - from what you told me about that one I could be wrong about that..."

Relief shining clearly in his eyes, Duo began to force himself into a sitting position, pushing stubbornly against the persistent pressure of Howard's hand on his shoulder, "Howard - let me go." He asked, almost too calm, his voice, though weak, thinly veiled the quiet threat in that request.

"Maxwell, don't even think about straining yourself - he's fine." Howard's face hardened slightly as he realized Duo would not be persuaded so easily.

Duo bit down hard on his lower lip, gazing up at Howard quietly.

Howard shook his head a bit ruefully at the pouting gaze and pulled the covers back from Duo's body and legs before standing slowly and bending down to place his hands through the boy's arms and knees.

The only sign of pain was in Duo's sharp intake of breath as his body bent into position when he was lifted him from the mattress, and carried towards the door. Duo closed his eyes against the sudden motion as Howard carefully stepped over the bottom of the nautical door frame and slowly worked his body through the opening before closing the short distance between the rooms, and turning the opening mechanism of the second door.

Duo kept his eyes tightly closed against the wave of dizziness that threatened to pull him backwards into unconsciousness, and desperately clamped his teeth hard against his tongue - the pain gave him something to focus on. The short journey from room to room seemed to take hours as he breathed short pained breaths and endured the gentle but unpleasant pressure of Howard's arms against his battered body.

Finally, after forever, he was being lowered once again onto a bed, and he waited, still not trusting himself to move or open his eyes, laying still as Howard worked the sheets out from under him, settled him halfway onto the mattress, pulled the fabric over him, laid a hand on his shoulder for a moment, and then quietly walked back and out of the room, shutting the door behind him in a slow squeak of metal against metal.

Listening quietly, he sorted the sounds of the ship in his mind - a creak of metal below, a splash of water on the hull, a quiet whistle from above that was carried into the room through the crack in the porthole... All these things he took note of and slowly pushed aside, searching through the white noise of the room for what he was hoping to hear. It was faint, muffled, but definitely there - the soft intake and exhale of breathing from another living being.

Duo shifted his body closer to the sound, and opened his eyes slowly to the quickly deepening darkness of the evening; he could just barely make out a darker form against the sheets before him.

He smiled, relief flooding through his weary frame, and with one last burst of his remaining energy he shifted forward a few more inches, rotating his body so that his forehead came to rest just atop the edge of the other boy's ruffled bangs. He felt the breathing change at the contact, but he didn't move, instead letting the weary hurt of his body flow through his being, as he allowed himself to sink backwards once more into sleep.

* * *

Heero reached forward, tentative in the dark, being careful not to move any other part of him for fear of disturbing his, now sleeping, compatriot, and gently placed his callused palm over the wrist that lay before him, brushing it lightly until he located the silent pressure of a pulse, and then settling it into place, laying so that he could feel that reassuring beat. After long hours of watchful half-sleep, he could finally give in and surrender to the blackness of needed rest.

--  
TBC (hopefully soonish - Fall 2008)  
Please Review as it may speed progress of the final chapter!


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